An admission...

All my life I have lived with synesthesia...
I didn't tell anyone, it was just part of me and how I related to the world, I didn't even really know it was a "condition"...
so what was there to tell?

I lived life fully and it all made sense, as I say...it was a part of me.
About 12 months ago it left me...just vanished, not a quick disappearance, more like a slow bleaching of thought and feeling.....then it was gone!

"They" say perhaps because of a cocktail of prescription drugs I was on for a prolonged period.

Who knows..

It doesn't matter why...

it just happened.

No longer do the shapes and sounds and colours and flavours and fragrances follow me and help me to cope with my every day existence.

I am now alone in my head (and I hate it), my friend from childhood has gone, the one that made Wednesdays warm and round with a tinkling sound like the high end of a xylophone...the friend who made "C" a dancing orange 3D block and ordered my thoughts into colourful spring loaded filing boxes that held sounds and scents as well.

The last 12 months have been terrible, I feel like I have had to re-learn myself, who I am...
what I can do.

To many, all this may be complete and utter nonsense, and to a few you may be able to get it.

I just needed to say it out loud.

If I have been distant or hard to get along with, I apologise, but I am trying to cope with a whole new world and a whole new way of thinking.

I hope I can come to grips with it...but...
it is hard...
REALLY hard.

Now that I have stopped taking the drugs that could have caused this....
I hope in time my childhood friend returns.